That feeling where you’re waiting for something exciting to happen in your life, but in the back of your mind you know it’s not going to happen.

Over thinking and over analyzing has always been one of my personal weaknesses. It seems to me that no matter how many different situations I imagine myself in, or no matter how much I meticulously plot things out in my head beforehand, when the time actually arrives, nothing ever goes as I thought it would. This is why I now hate getting my hopes up for something because chances are it will never happen like how I wish it would. Over thinking any situation tends to put me into a negative demeanor and mindset. The things played out in my head will never actually become a reality, I don’t understand why it’s still a habit of mine.

alvinxlee:

• Maintain good grades, understand the material instead of just BSing it, comprehend the things that are taught to me instead of forgetting it in a week, stop procrastinating on big assignments, take school more seriously, and stop being late.
• Work out, get and stay in shape, get motivated, eat healthier, sleep earlier, get sick less often, drink more water, stay healthy.
• Keep friends close, make more of an effort to hangout, meet some new people, get closer to some others, make a general effort to be a good friend, be reliable, take the first step.
• Control emotions better, smile more, be less selfish, reduce stress levels, stay positive, count my blessings, be grateful for the little things, enjoy life.
• Spend less money on materialistic things, save up money again, give more, spend more money on fun activities, apply for jobs.
• Get more involved with my hobbies, manage my time better, stay focused on my goals, don’t get sidetracked.
• Figure out a part of my future, what colleges I want to aim for, what majors, career paths, etc.
• Get my permit/license. Don’t crash when I drive.
• Take care of my turtles, try to keep them alive.
• Make the summer of my senior year unforgettable.

I hope I can look back at this at the end of 2011 and say I’ve accomplished at least 30% of it.

For the most part, I would say that I’m pretty satisfied with how things turned out in 2011. Hoping for a better 2012.
Happy New Years.

I feel as if I have totally different motives compared to everyone else around me. It just seems like everybody is comfortable with staying still in their repetitive rotation of life, while I’m the one who strives for a change of course, a new adventure. I hate dealing with shady people who claim they are genuine, or people who only consider their own emotions over those around them. I want to fly and I honestly just feel like there’s people weighing me down right now. Nobody has any motivation to ever do anything. Actions speak louder than words, buddy.

Every day feels like the same old, boring, dry, and repetitive routine. For just once I would like for something spontaneous to happen, or someone to surprise me. I do the same thing each and every day, I’m trapped in a continuous cycle of mindless droning and toil. Someone free me.